Simply Ben
by Reihla
Summary: Padawan ObiWan Kenobi learns about love and loss thanks to his Master.


**Simply Ben **

….for all fans of the young Obi-Wan _(background – this was a valentines day challenge piece with a 2000 word limit_)**  
**

A rough hand pressed tight the seal on the envelope before printing the delivery address in bold script on the front. It was risky, mailing this letter, but Qui-Gon felt it was truly the right thing to do. His padawan had obviously scrawled his heart into the document, but he knew Obi-Wan would never send it. At twenty, his apprentice was an exceptional young Jedi, but he would never intentionally break the strict rules of the Order that forbade attachment. Fortunately for Obi-Wan, his master had a more liberal view when it came to matters of the heart.

Qui-Gon knew he shouldn't have read the letter, but he'd been unable to resist pulling it from the wastebasket. Only powerful emotions could have inspired his padawan to use an actual carbon stylus to place words on parchment. Writing in long-hand was…well, it was very personal. Data disks – vocal, holographic or typed – were far more common forms of communication.

Once he'd seen what was written on the page he simply couldn't drop it back into the trash. The truths in this letter were important and shouldn't go unsaid for a lifetime. His decision made, he left the small suite he shared with his apprentice and hurried to get the post out on this afternoon's last transport.

Days later the envelope was delivered by courier to the Royal House of Alderaan. The major-domo handed it to a young woman, a willowy wraith with silvery-blonde hair and sad dark eyes. She barely read the postmark before running to the privacy of her room. With uncharacteristic haste she tore open the envelope. Yes! It was from Obi-Wan. She could almost hear his soft-spoken lyrical tenor as she read the words…

_My Lady Kira, _

I'm not sure why I'm writing this letter. I know I won't send it. Perhaps, though, I'll be able to express the feelings I couldn't put into words the last time we were together. Please forgive my abrupt departure from Alderaan. I have no excuse save that I was stunned at how hard it was going to be to tell you good-bye. Though I consider myself well spoken I just couldn't seem to find the words.

Kira smiled, imagining how that must've annoyed him.

_They've come to me now, though. In fact, they spin around in my head constantly. I'm hoping writing them out will silence them once and for all, so I can put aside these confusing feelings and focus on my training. The peace that I once knew eludes me of late. _

I want you to know that when Qui-Gon and I came to Alderaan to protect your brother I had no aspirations past the desire to do as the council asked and help keep Bail alive. We take every assassination threat seriously, especially those against the heir-apparent to the Alderaani throne. Your brother is a very important man, but titles and stations aside, I truly believe his wisdom is essential to long-term galactic peace.

As a rule I don't trust politicians, but you helped me see Bail as more than another Senator with an agenda. Through your eyes I learned he is also a brilliant student, a master tactician, a loving brother, a beloved son, the solemn heir of a peaceful world, and finally, a trusted and faithful friend. As a Jedi, I don't have many friends outside the order. I now count you and Bail among that small, but cherished, number. I can't tell you how much I value the gift you have given me.

Likewise, Kira thought. Obi-Wan wasn't the only one who felt gifted. He'd given her a piece of an impossible dream, a glimpse into the future she knew she couldn't have. Now, at least she had touched that goal. At least she knew what it was to love someone. She would be forever grateful to the man who had denied all he believed in to make it possible.

_I've never known anyone like you, Kira Organa. Holding you in my arms was like trying to capture light refracting from a crystal. So many colors shine out: your devotion to your family, your love of life, your flawless honesty, your intelligence and your grace. Even your limitless patience with shortsighted Jedi padawans. The list is endless. You are light, burning with the radiance of a thousand galactic suns. Being with you is like swimming in sunshine and, though I'll never tell another living soul, I will cherish the warmth of those memories the rest of my days. _

Though I am not a poet I find myself longing to write verses to describe your beauty. I remember your white-gold hair and find myself recalling the feel of it, like silk sliding through my fingers. I could go on to describe your ebony eyes, how they sparkle more than stars in the night sky, but those words don't even begin to do them justice. I could write of your sun-kissed skin, but that won't tell how soft it was to my touch. How warm. How it stole my breath to lay my palm against it. My lips. Blast! This is harder than I thought! Will I be doomed to this agony with every memory of you and the precious moments we shared?

Kira shivered with longing of her own. The handwritten letters blurred as her eyes misted. Those letters had started neat and even, but were now slanted and irregular. For someone who prided himself on his control she could imagine Obi-Wan's irritation as he was forced to admit the lack of it. Impatiently she wiped the tears from her cheeks, finding that the next paragraph had reverted to a straight and orderly condition.

_Once again I find myself at a loss for words. All I can think to write is how much I miss you. Your smile has even invaded my meditations. I wonder constantly what life outside the Jedi Order would've held for me. For us. Not that it matters. You made it very clear you wouldn't have me quit this path I'm on, though I would've happily done so to be with you. It doesn't matter to me how short our time together would have been. _

I hear your voice in my dreams sometimes, whispering the Alderaani name you picked for me… Ben… I'm not sure how I feel knowing you call me after your small furry pet, but you had a point. Obi-Wan is a bit too pretentious to mutter between kisses. I enjoy knowing you call me something no one else does.

Ah well. I'm overdue for saber practice so I suppose I need to call this quits for now, not like I'll be brave enough to send it anyway.

He'd signed it simply,

_Ben_

Kira folded the letter, turning it over and over in her hands. It was strange that he kept saying he wouldn't be sending it. Obviously he had. No matter. She was obscenely grateful. He'd left so much unspoken when he left without a word all those weeks ago. At least now she knew why. Such a brave Jedi in all matters but those of the heart…

She flew from the bed to her writing desk, bypassing the keyboard and the video cam to grasp her stylus and a small slip of parchment. She hastily scribbled a few lines and signed her name, sighing as she slid it into an intergalactic routing envelope. At least it would look like business to whomever delivered it. Then she went downstairs to send the missive out with one of the palace staff.

Not quite a week had passed when Obi-Wan entered his quarters after a particularly harrowing afternoon of flight training. He acknowledged his master, who sat on the cushioned chaise watching the latest reports over the intergalactic news network.

Crossing to the small kitchen, he pulled a pitcher of water out of the cooling unit. After tossing back several long gulps he headed back to the main living area, perching on the arm of the sofa.

"Practice went well?" Qui-Gon asked blithely.

"Very well, if you like organized chaos." Obi-Wan smiled a little. "I just can't seem to develop a taste for flying. I guess maybe someday - " his voice broke as the news announcer mentioned current events on Alderaan.

An assassin had been caught that afternoon at a political address in Aldera City. It seemed his target, Prince Bail Organa, was unharmed but several members of the royal retinue were dead, including the Prince's own sister and personal aide, Kira Organa. Matter-of-factly they gave a brief bio of the Princess, stating that although her life had been typical of a debutante and dignitary, her death made her an exceptional hero. The young royal had stepped between the assassin's laser rifle and his chosen target, falling to a single laser blast.

Obi-Wan heard no more as he hastily ran from the room.

It was more than an hour later before Qui-Gon stood, picking up the official looking envelope on the table. It had come today and was postmarked Alderaan. He sighed. There was no time like the present to deliver it.

He crossed to Obi-Wan's door and pressed the call button. It took three rings before he heard his apprentice's consent to enter. Waving the door open, he entered the small room to find Obi-Wan stretched out on his bunk, arms folded behind his head, his eyes fixed on some imaginary point on the ceiling. Though his face was expressionless, Qui-gon could sense the pain ripping through him, straining at the bonds of his control.

"This came for you today." He muttered softly, extending the envelope.

"I'll read it later." Obi-Wan mumbled, turning his face towards the wall.

"It came from Alderaan." His apprentice snapped upright at that, snatching the envelope out of his hand. At that moment he reminded Qui-Gon less of a twenty-year-old on the verge of knighthood and more of the young boy he'd rescued from a life in Agricorps.

Before he could open the letter Qui-Gon spoke again. "I think you should know I sent her your note." Puzzled blue-gray eyes rose to meet steady indigo. "The letter you wrote to Kira. The one you tried to throw away. I posted it to her several weeks ago." Obi-Wan blinked as if not quite sure how to process that information. He said nothing. "I'm not sure, really, why I sent it. It was just something I felt led to do at the time. If I was wrong, I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have interfered, but with her condition and knowing she didn't have much time…well, I didn't want you to regret leaving so many things unsaid. I know I would have."

With that Qui-Gon turned, intent upon leaving his padawan a bit of privacy.

Obi-Wan's soft request stopped him. "Please, stay."

Qui-Gon didn't ask why. He merely reversed course and sat at the foot of the bed. Obi-Wan tore open the envelope with trembling hands, unfolding the small scrap of paper. The message was simple and to the point.

_Ben, _

I love you too.

Yours, Kira

The tears came then, like a flood. Obi-Wan shoved the letter towards his master before leaning forward, sobbing as his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. Qui-Gon took the letter from his lifeless fingers and read it quickly. He then carefully folded it and placed it on the bedside table before putting a strong arm around his padawan's shoulder.

So much had been packed into those four little words and he knew without a doubt that Obi-Wan Kenobi would never be the same after today. That terrible instant on Alderaan had ended a conflict inside his padawan. Obi-Wan could now become the ideal Jedi, always devoted to duty. Somewhere deep in his soul Qui-Gon mourned for the other half of the man he loved like a son, the part no Jedi dared admit to - the man called simply Ben who had loved and been loved in return.


End file.
